"If you pour some music on whatever hurts, it'll sure help out." - Levon Helm
I actually just heard this song for the first time the other day, but it took me right back to exactly how I felt when I was found out I was losing Dominic. And it's just a strange coincidence that the singer's name is Dominic, too. Women refer to babies that were lost in the womb as their "angels," so it's really perfect.
"Please don't take my boy away."
(2) Lullabye - Billy Joel
This song can induce tears in me almost immediately. If I am feeling particularly down and masochistic, I will listen to this song.
"Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say."
"And if you sing this lullaby, then in your heart there will always be a part of me.
One day we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on.
They never die, that's how you and I will be."
(3) Hallelujah - Justin Timberlake & Matt Morris
I always loved this song, by pretty much any artist, and I even knew how to play it on the piano at one point. But I think this version from Hope for Haiti is particularly beautiful. Plus I love Justin Timberlake. In the weeks after losing Dominic, I listened to this song all the time.
"Love is not a victory march,
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah."
(4) You'll Be in My Heart - Phil Collins
When I first heard this song post-Dominic I was in the grocery store and almost had a total breakdown. It has a much more positive effect on me now, it makes me think about protecting the memory of my son. But it still makes me tear up.
"You'll be in my heart, from this day on, now and forever more.
You'll be in my heart, no matter what they say,
You'll be here in my heart always."
(5) Creep - Idina Menzel
Yes, the Idina Menzel version because she's awesome and it feels more from a female perspective. This is another anthem for when I'm feeling depressed, isolated, and just generally "unspecial." Like I don't fit in anywhere because I am a childless mother. Or like I don't deserve my husband (who can be irritatingly perfect sometimes).
"I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control.
I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
I want you to notice when I'm not around.
You're so f****** special. I wish I was special."
(6) I'm Always Chasing Rainbows - Judy Garland
This song was what really inspired my blog name. It's my anthem for when I'm feeling defeated, especially after another negative pregnancy test.
"Some fellows make a winning sometimes, I never even make a gain.
I'm always chasing rainbows, hoping to find a little blue bird in vain."
(7) Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Elton John
I don't overanalyze the lyrics on this one, mostly because they don't make any sense. I think it's about a farmer. Whatever. It's for when I feel like my hopes have been dashed again. Like my road to a rainbow is done.
"So goodbye yellow brick road..."
(8) Paper Bag - Fiona Apple
Another sad song... I promise these get gradually more upbeat. This song is actually about a relationship where the girl wants a guy who doesn't want her back, but I can still apply it to my situation.
"Hunger hurts - and I want him so bad, oh it kills.
But I know I'm a mess he don't want to clean up."
"And I went crazy again today,
Looking for a strand to climb.
Looking for a little hope."
(9) Vienna - Billy Joel
This one is about patience. It's basically Billy Joel telling me to calm the F down. If I end up having a daughter named Vienna, this song will be why. "Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true. When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?"
"Slow down, you crazy child. You're so ambitious for a juvenile.
But then if you're so smart then tell me why are you still so afraid?"
"Slow down, you're doing fine. You can't be everything you want to be before your time."
(10) I Won't Give Up On Us - Jason Mraz
Pregnancy loss and infertility can really take a toll on a marriage. Every now and then you need a reminder not to give up.
"I won't give up on us, even if the skies get rough.
I'm giving you all my love, I'm still looking up."
(11) A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes - Cinderella
This one has a much more hopeful message. I've posted about this one before, here.
"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep.
In dreams, you will lose your heartache. Whatever you wish for you keep.
Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through."
(12) Change - Taylor Swift
This is my ultimate "just hold on, it'll get better" song. And I've posted before about it before, here.
"You can walk away, say we don't need this. But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this.
Because these things will change, can you feel it now?
These walls that they build up to hold us back will fall down.
It's a revolution, the time will come for us to finally win."