My Husband - My husband is a down-to-earth, pragmatic and non-dramatic person who has been through a difficult life. This had made him a survivor. He has learned the ability to not dwell on things, something I truly admire and envy. If it were not for my husband grounding me, I probably would just float away... He loves me more than I can even understand and I do not in any way deserve him.
My Mother - My mother sat in my hospital labor room beside me for 16 hours. She fought fiercely on my behalf when she thought the doctors were not managing my care appropriately, as only a mother would. She spent the weeks following our loss bringing us food, helping clean my house (which I had no desire whatsoever to do), and taking my dogs for walks. She has spoken to me on the phone pretty much every single day, since, and is constantly there for me.
My Father - I specifically said I did not want my dad in the delivery room at all. This was for several reasons - 1. Well the grossness of it all and 2. I have a deep ingrained fear of disappointing my father. I did not want to see the look of disappointment on his face that I could not bring a healthy grandchild into the world for him. My dad ended up leaving work that day because he just felt like he needed to be with his family. He spent several long hours waiting in the lobby of the Labor & Delivery department. I had no idea he was out there, my husband didn't tell me until after Dominic delivered. In the end, it was good to have my dad there. He got to meet Dominic and if I had deprived him of that I don't think I would be able to forgive myself. And the look on his face was not disappointment, but pride. To this day my father attempts to talk me down from hysterics with his optimistic ideas. I'm not always responsive to them, but I do appreciate them.
My Best Friend - My best friend is a Labor & Delivery nurse in the hospital we both work in... the hospital I delivered in. She had just gotten off working a 12 hour night shift when I was being admitted. She waited, helped get me settled, she even put in my IV and drew my blood herself. Then she stayed with me, even though I knew she was exhausted, for hours. She only left when I insisted she try to get some sleep, but she came back within a couple hours. She basically was my nurse even though she was not on the clock. I received 1 on 1 care from one of the best L&D nurses in the hospital... out of love, not for money. She was the one who cleaned my baby, swaddled him, and handed him to me for the first time. I will never forget that. I will never forget what she did for me. Or what she still does for me. She spends hours on end listening - well basically being my therapist - as I vent about all of the demons I am battling.
My Friends - I cannot go without mentioning the other nurses, whom I am also friends with, and who were actually on the clock that day. They took excellent care of me from beginning to end. At least for the worst experience of my entire life I knew I was in good hands. Our friends outside of the hospital have also played an enormous part these past months. They helped get me out of the house when I needed it. They gave me gifts to memorialize Dominic. They sent flowers and food. But more than anything, they acknowledged our loss. I was overwhelmed by the fact that not a day went by, in the first month or so, that someone didn't text me "Thinking of you," or "Missing you." But months go by... and most people think I've probably healed by now. Or they just don't realize what I'm still going through. There are friends, friends who are much closer to me, that still know. And just a "thinking of you" text on Dominic's due date meant the world to me.
Online Support - I think some people in my personal life feel a little bit on the fence about this one. Probably because of the stigma of meeting people online. But the truth of the matter is, what I went through was very specific. Finding a support group in real life of women who actually experienced what I experienced would be nearly impossible. I did, however, find an online community of women who suffered through exactly what I did. As a result, I have made friends in Syria, England, Scotland, Australia, Canada, New York, Texas, California, Florida... all over the country and all over the world. When I first got my positive pregnancy test with my second baby, I couldn't wait to talk to the girl from Australia, because it was 5AM here and mostly everyone I know was asleep, but I knew she was awake. As much as my close friends and family - even my husband - attempt to understand the way I'm feeling, they will never understand like these women do. Because they've lived it. They're still living it. It's a club that none of us ever wanted to be a part of, but these women have been nothing but loving and supportive since I first found them.
So my advice to someone going through any sort of struggle where they find themselves feeling isolated and alone because no one in their life seems to "get it," is this: