This was particularly rough for me this last week. So how do you deal?
Here's some things I've read and found to be helpful (although I don't always follow my own advice, maybe someone else will).
1. Don't feel guilty. You're not a bad person for feeling envious of another woman's pregnancy. You're just human. Go easy on yourself. Your "why her and not me?" attitude is actually rooted in your own sadness, not the green-eyed monster. It's the grief that your feeling over your own infertility, and that's much easier to direct outwardly at a target than it is to direct inwardly.
2. You don't know their struggle. My mom always tells me "everyone has their own cross to bear." I also really like a quote I've seen on Pinterest, "everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about." You don't know if that pregnant woman on the street is pregnant with her rainbow baby. You don't know how long she had to try. And if it is the case of someone who you KNOW is pregnant on the first try, maybe their struggle is something completely different. But no one lives a completely perfect life - and if you know of someone who does...please give me their number so I can call them and ask them the meaning of life.
3. Don't try to rationalize it. You're wasting your time. It's not rational. I'm guilty of this one - I always try to rationalize it. "Well maybe so-and-so gets pregnant so easily because she would make a better mother than I would." "Well maybe so-and-so is just genetically and reproductively superior to me, and if we were animals living by survival of the fittest, me and my husband are just inferior." Don't do it to yourself. It's not true, you know it's not. Pregnancy does not discriminate. You know there are crackwhores who get pregnant every day, and it's certainly not because they would make good mothers or are physically superior to you.
4. Stop torturing yourself. I'm sorry, but as soon as someone puts up a pregnancy announcement on Facebook, I unfollow them. You don't have to unfriend them completely, but this way their pregnancy updates won't pop up in your newsfeed. Even better would just be to break the habit of social media all together, but that's not happening for me anytime soon. And just decline the baby shower invitation. Really- you don't need to go.
5. But you can't hide forever. Eventually, someone close to you will get pregnant and you will not be able to avoid it. Unfortunately, you won't be able to hide forever. At some point, your love for your pregnant friend/family member will have to trump your fear. And this is healthy. As for me, I will be attending my first baby shower post-Dominic this weekend (wish me luck and a melt-down free brunch).
6. Let it out. Don't keep it bottled up inside because feelings like anger and jealousy can really tear apart your soul. Talk about it to someone in your "judgment-free" zone. Write it down. Get it out.
7. Let it go. Deep down inside, you know you do not wish any ill-will upon that expectant mother and her baby. So when you catch yourself eyeing a pregnant belly and feel that ugly jealousy welling up inside you, take a deep breath, and send a silent blessing to them. Wish them an uneventful pregnancy filled only with excitement and happiness, and a healthy, beautiful baby. Don't even say it out loud, just think it in your head. I promise you'll feel better. And remember that one day... that uneventful pregnancy filled with only excitement and happiness and a healthy, beautiful baby... might be yours.