First of all, the services were beautiful. My father-in-law was honored in the most respectful, loving way by all of his family and friends. My husband and I received a ton of help and support from his family, and we could not be more thankful. There has also been a lot of money raised in my father-in-law's name to go to the National MS Society, and we are extremely appreciative of everyone's contributions.
Secondly - I was in no way prepared for the several times Dominic was mentioned yesterday. I was sitting in the private viewing for family and reading the program for the services, and in the bio section it listed Dominic as one of my father-in-law's grandchildren. Reading the words "Dominic, the deceased son of [me & my husband]" completely knocked the wind out of me. I had a silent mini-meltdown. I really didn't expect that. Then during the funeral, it was said that my father-in-law was now in heaven, reunited with his wife (who had died a year and a half ago) and his grandson, Dominic. My husband and I are deeply touched that his family considers Dominic part of the family and continues to honor his memory.
And lastly - when my husband's uncle was reading the sermon, I felt oddly certain that it was directed at me and my husband. I figured I was just projecting onto myself, but he actually told my mom afterwards that a lot of it was directed at us. He is a deeply religious man, and the sermon was addressing those who feel angry with God when tragedies occur. If you've read my post about faith, you know that I have been wrestling over that very problem. A few of the things he said actually did get through to me (which my mom can tell you is not an easy accomplishment). He himself is no stranger to tragedy: his wife is battling cancer, and his son lost a baby at 20 weeks just a few months before we lost Dominic. Yet he remains faithful and does not feel anger towards God. He talked about how we must go through some trials and suffering in order to be able to enjoy the good in life. He also told a story about not carrying around anger on your shoulders, and that is really something I need to work on. I need to learn to let go of my anger: over losing Dominic, over not being pregnant again yet, at God, at the universe, at other people who seem to get pregnant so easily. I need to accept that it is okay for me to feel these feelings, but I have to let them pass through and let go of them.
"The more anger you carry in your heart towards the past, the less capable you are of loving in the present." - Barbara De Angelis